March 21, 1962 - US Air Force launches a bear at supersonic speed
Yes. LAUNCHED A BEAR FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF SOUND.
Forty-nine years ago today, the US Air Force shocked the world with its announcement that a bear had become the first living creature ejected from an aircraft traveling faster than the speed of sound (around 770 miles per hour).
Everyone knows that the American and Soviet militaries invested tons of money in plenty of weird stuff during the Cold War; this might be my new favorite.
The official story is that the Air Force was conducting safety tests to make sure pilots could survive ejecting at this speed. But I don’t buy this.
To test the safety of an ejection system, the Air Force could have used this:
Or this:
Or even this:
But they chose THIS:
It’s pretty clear to me that the Air Force had only one goal in mind:
To create the ultimate weapon.
Now, I’m no military strategist. But it seems to me that there are few things in this world more horrifying than an angry bear.
And one of them would certainly be an angry bear FLYING AT YOU AT SUPERSONIC SPEED.
Imagine this. You’re a Soviet dignitary on a lunchtime stroll through Red Square. It’s a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky - just an almost-imperceptible brown dot high above the horizon. By the time you take your next step, you’re rocked by a massive SONIC BOOM. In a panic, you glance up. And see THIS:
And before you can even figure out from whence this bear came, you’re mauled to death with the knowledge that if God exists, He is clearly not on your side.
I no longer have any doubt why we won the Cold War.
